My Very Own “Field of Dreams!”

Yesterday, I watched “Field of Dreams” with my two youngest sons. Once again, I was moved to tears. The message of the movie began to marinate in my heart of hearts as my mind held hands with Imagination. I revisited the desires of my heart…my deepest longings and envisioned my very own “field of dreams.”
“What exactly did it look like?” you may wonder….Well, just close your eyes and let me show you.
My field encompasses a patch of land nestled in the Great Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. Beautiful old trees made perfectly for climbing…or sitting in…or picnicking under..line its borders. Nestled in their leafy midst is an old white farm house capable of housing multiple children and their children. This house made from simple materials, brick and wood and mortar is truly fashioned with the love, messy life and abundant laughter shared within its walls. After all, it is these things that transform a dead structure into a real live home….I see a whole family: myself, a man that cherishes me and fiercely guards the fruit of God’s love, our six sons. I see my boys/men running hither and yon, in and out the screen door as it slams the rhythm of time, marking the endless comings and goings with its comforting sound. I smell the rich earth scent of growing things…I see a carefully tended garden…not perfectly manicured but beautifully messy. I see and hear a myriad of animals from dogs and cats to twenty-four chickens, two roosters, several goats and a single cow. I see myself appropriately but fashionably dressed in an amazing Magnolia Pearl farm dress or perhaps a Tina Givens slip. Most importantly, I feel the ease of life and love in my very own field of dreams. I hear a nearby brook softly singing it’s mountain melody…I feel peace, absolute contentment and total fulfillment like a warmed blanket wrapped around me…pushing away the chill of hopes long deferred. I wake up from this visit and find myself refreshed, inspired and vastly encouraged to keep moving forward with renewed hope…in the absolute future reality of my dreams coming true! I see my loving Father/God gently scoop up these longings and scattered heart-felt desires, so like fledgling birds. I watch him as he tenderly places my yearnings in the downy nest of His very own heart. And I know, that I know, that I know that He will build it, eventually I will come and walk into my very own field of dreams….and it will be better, wider, richer, deeper than I have ever been able to imagine on this side of heaven. So here I sit re-reading what I have just written and a new thought gently settles on the forefront of my mind. Perhaps, it is not so much the actual consummation of the dream itself that is most important but the aliveness I feel when I believe in its potential fulfillment. Maybe the most exquisite aspect of all dreams is the daring wonder that fuels them. Just a thought…

One Pearl at a Time!

What is it in man that enables him to live capably in the face of danger or uncertainty! That spark, that tiny spark that refuses to give up…give in…lay down and succumb to the end of time marked on this swift and tilting planet! I am amazed at the stories of human triumph in the face of grave adversity. What marks the difference between those who fight the good fight and those who submit to despair and subsequent defeat? Is it simply faith that things will inevitably change…for nothing but God ever truly stays the same or is it some innate ability to readily accept what is, what can not be changed and swiftly adapt? Perhaps, it is a little of both. I do so wonder…because I would like to have some more of that…please! Even with the sweet, intimate relationship I enjoy with the Father…I still struggle to live…really live capably. Some days I feel like I am moving in slow motion…waiting for my new life to begin…you know the one I am talking about…the one with the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and the plentiful happily-ever-afters. Then I stop, take two small steps back and look more closely at the life that is before me right now…in this very tenuous moment. I say with Anne of Green Gables, “Oh, Marilla…what you do miss!” Only I exchange my name for Marilla’s and it becomes…”Oh, Sabrina…what you do miss!” I have experienced this awareness on more than one occasion and still I fall prey to the sluggish existence that impersonates real living. I know that the answer is firmly fixed in my Papa’s hands…in fact the answer is inscribed in his sweet nail-scars…Those precious spots marking forever, the day heaven and earth were moved on my behalf making all things, every little thing, right! Even days that I don’t live fully…days I run hither and yon getting nowhere…days that I need my battery re-charged just to get out of bed. He holds all of these moments together…stringing them like a master jeweler…one pearl at a time…until the very last day…the very last pearl! I still don’t know the answer to my original question but I do take comfort in the fact that even when I live less than capably…I have a very capable God holding together and redeeming all of my living! That, to me is very good news…very good news indeed!

Step into the Really, Real!

Most days, I am able to press onward and upward, living in the Present Reality, beautifully sustained by my Daily Bread. But there are times when my courage flags and my shoulders droop under the weight of my “light and momentary afflictions!” It is at these times, I feel acutely my situation press down hard upon me…and suddenly I find myself lying prostrate “under my circumstances!” Yesterday was a time such as this….BUT Jesus whispered:

Sabrina, come away with Me. Be still and listen to my heart. I love you today..as I loved you yesterday…as I will love you tomorrow. I am the unchanging God-of-the-Angel-Armies…And I am yours. Yes, “there’s bound to come some trouble to your life..that ain’t nothing to be afraid of …” You and I have faced plenty of trouble before…so “there’s no reason to fear!!!” I am here…with you…now and now and now. Simply reach out to me and hold on tight! “Stand sure on the promise that I will pull you through.” Remember, when you do fall…it is “always on the grace that first brought you to me!!!” This same grace will keep you and see you safely home. “My son was sheer weakness and humiliation when he was killed on the cross, but oh, he’s alive now—in the mighty power of God!” There have been times in your life when you weren’t much to look at either, when you were humiliated! But now, sweet, sweet child of mine you are alive in Christ, strengthened by Me, your God!!! Now…now you are made new…moment by moment, step by step and like my dear boy you live in and out of my mighty power. Because of this really, real Reality nothing is impossible. Therefore, take courage and be NOT afraid.

And once again, He lifts my head…I stand up…look to the horizon of His love and cry out, “What’s next Papa?”

Portions of the above “Whispers” were brought to you by the songs, “If I Stand,” and “There’s Bound to Come Some Trouble,” (both beautifully written and sung by Rich Mullins). Credit must also be given to 2nd Corinthians 13: 1-4….inspired by our loving heavenly Father who knew we would need these words for such a time as this.

My Bright, Red Balloon of Hope!

God Whispers:

Sweet, Honey-girl of my heart…you are mine…the love object of my heart…and I am your bright red balloon of hope!! I am the really REAL….and you are the “becoming” real! The Process will get you to the desired destination—perfect intimacy with your Maker/God! The Process will infuse every point along the way with depth and purpose! Breathe in, breathe out…lift your arms heaven-high and squeal with delighted abandon. Believe in Me….while I take pleasure in you. It is a relationship between you and I, a moving, breathing, flowing love exchange! I love you….you love me back. You are not the generator or the initiator—I AM! You are not the catalyst—I AM! You are not the sustaining fuel—I AM! You are not the one who ends the show…orchestrates the grand finale—I AM! For I AM indeed the Alpha and the Omega…the beginning, the end and every single step along the wildly, adventurous way!

The Speed of Time….

Faster and faster…the speed of time blows my hair…whip-cord strands streaming free…unbound locks….blowing, blowing forward….
Head turns, eyes glance backward….
Gone….gone again!!
Time is fast…
Life is furious…
The force propels forward…
Abruptly STOPS!
Going, going gone…in a single breath.
Live free!
Live full!
Live now!
Because of Jesus…plumb-line straight…heart gently grounded, feet firmly planted, wings outstretched…unfurled, beautifully-iridescent…breathtaking glory!
Let go!
Fly free!
Now and now and now!
Soaring higher, higher…the sky has no limit save that which I imagine…
Be still my fettered mind…relax into the safety net of Grace…
Float to the moon…”to infinity and beyond”….nothing is impossible with God as my wind…absolutely nothing!
No need to measure time with the cross as my watch-compass.
All moments, every direction is secure.
North, South, East, West…..all lead home…into the very center of LOVE!!!
My True North, my perfect pendulum, the beating heart of gravity….
B-bum, b-bum, b-bum…
I love you,
I love you,
I love you.
Breathe deep…open fully and leap!
Again and again and again…to the rhythm of that refrain.
Again…Amen!

The Dance of Words, the Music of Poetry

I love the music of words…the gentle flow and sway of letters on a page. I love words that breathe life, life and more life. I have had the opportunity to speak such words, dance the music of poetry. I have also been the bearer of harsh, unloving proclamations….these I deeply regret. Once upon a time, I thought my mouth was my greatest curse, my very own thorn in the flesh. I went so far as to pray that God would make me mute so that I would never again use my tongue to bring hurt. That was many, many years ago and thank-fully my sweet Jesus did not take me seriously when I made that desperate plea. Instead he captured my heart more fully and in doing so he tamed my tongue. Now I join him and sing the melody of words. Sometimes by myself, sometimes with a dear friend, sometimes with my precious sons. Sometimes I let my words dance across the page, ofttimes I let them sing in the breeze…landing on the loving ears of those willing to catch them. Thank God there are those in my life who receive, honor and even celebrate my words. I imagine words are equally important to my heavenly Father since he referred to his beloved son as the Word made flesh. I am so grateful that his words are powerful beyond measure, able to speak all things into existence, raising dead things into newness of life. I find myself increasingly dependent upon His words. I long for the day that I can say to him with absolute certainty, “If you say so…then I believe it…for you make it true!”

Broken not Damaged

I haven’t posted anything on this site for a very long time but have nonetheless written on a regular basis. Recently, I have been inspired to share publicly once more, some of the sweet truths God has whispered to my heart. So here goes….Over the past many years, I have experienced numerous highs and lows. My journey has been fraught with great need and even greater heavenly wonders. Nevertheless, I had subconsciously begun to view myself in terms of before and after. This reality was driven home when I heard myself say out-loud to a dear friend, “That was me before damage.” Leave it to God to immediately address this spiritual faux-pas. He oh-so-gently corrected my perspective by editing my word choice. He reminded me that there is a huge difference between brokenness and damage. Feeling damaged is one thing…feeling broken evokes emotions of a completely different color! I long for brokenness since I am well aware of the beauty in that landscape. I can even celebrate it’s arrival. So here I am, Sabrina, broken but not damaged! Not less than the me of old but more of the human God created and tenderly fashioned in my mother’s womb.

God Whispers:
Oh, sweet,sweet child of mine…pray to God for rain-pray to your God, the rainmaker. Honey-girl, I am the God who waters all things. I am the sustainer of all living things. I am the substance of life…liquid, flowing…Living Water. Pray to the God of rain…that it may come…I will step in and take care of you, oh little lamb of my flock…I’ll refresh and revive you with my healing rain. It is essential that I be your source! I will make you proud to be on my side! I will make you courageous and vigorous because I am with you, my people. I know your pain and I will make you good as new. You will get a fresh start as if nothing has ever happened. And why? Because I am your very own God. I”ll do what needs to be done for you. Oh, that you will feel blessed by Me. For I have set you free and you will flourish! Keep the story alive with your children that they too will see and know that I am God..your God and theirs. You and yours will sail through troubled seas, brush aside brash ocean waves, the tsunamis of travail…these roaring rivers will turn to a trickle. Because I am God-of-the-Angel-Armies and I am yours! But you… I will make strong, God-strong! You will live my way. God says so. Amen.

Zechariah 10

On the Wings of Beauty…

When I was very small I watched my Daddy love my mother. He tenderly cared for her and frequently adorned her with tokens of his affection. I vividly remember him kneeling down and telling me that some day a man would love me in this way…give me jewels…crown me with love. And so I believed that love was carried on the wings of beauty. To this day, I love beauty in all its many shapes and sizes, varied forms and expressions. Even now, I love giving and receiving beautiful things. Somehow, I feel loved when I am given the gift of beauty whether it is a crushed flower, crumpled in the small hand of my youngest son or a delicate painting created by my twenty year old artist extraordinaire. In my heart of hearts, I believe beauty lifts us up and out of our mundane circumstances. It inspires us to reach for a place that is higher than ourselves…to see beyond what we can observe with our physical eyes, witness more than the scope of our individual imaginations. Somewhere along the way, Papa showed me that true beauty is not in fact something we put on, rather it is something that He births deep within our essence. No longer must I wait for someone outside of myself to bless and adorn me with beauty. At any moment, day or night, I can simply reach down into the tabernacle of my heart and express all of the beauty God has placed there…for such a time as this. Let me be very clear, I still love beautiful things, enjoy splashing in the waves of its splendor. The difference is simply this, I am no longer waiting for love to come on the wings of beauty. At long last I have been persuaded that Love has already arrived and adorned me, Sabrina, with beautiful wings.

What if we built a home instead of a courtroom?

I am almost fifty-one years old, though today I feel older still. Nevertheless, I have been traveling with Jesus for most of my life. I became God’s beloved when I was a mere seven-year-old filly. I have been a part of the beautiful, terrible body of Christ for a long, long time. I say beautiful, because it is an absolutely breathtaking entity and some of its’ members are among my dearest treasures. I say terrible, because I have received my most grievous wounds by its’ hands. Let me be clear, I have been among those wielding the sword of truth as a weapon of judgement and condemnation. I have held the Bible in my hands and used it to justify the most unloving behaviors in the name of righteous indignation. But today, I am brought low by the overwhelming need for mercy’s expression among the pain-filled people of this planet, my fellow sojourners. We are all hurting! Everyone has at one time or another felt the pain of loss, the misery of rejection, the hopelessness of shattered dreams, the devastation of failure. Not one living, breathing person escapes this planetary experience unscathed by the sting of these things and the pain they cause. I am not suggesting anything goes. I am not even remotely suggesting we turn a blind eye to unloving behaviors, foster co-dependence or enable abuse. I am simply holding up a very old standard established by my big brother, “You without sin, cast the first stone!” What if we built a home instead of a courtroom? What if this house became the safe place for real people where they could indeed be real without the fear of emotional or physical ex-communication and negative perceptions. What would that look like? Can you see it? Can you feel it? I think I can sometimes, in fleeting moments that brush my cheeks like angel-wings. Perhaps, these seem like the rantings of a hippie, flower-child and maybe they are but I would say to you, my Papa is especially fond of flowers. I see these behaviors on a daily basis within the walls of my very own home. Today, I yelled, “Stop!” I was the observer of pain erupting from two very different individuals. Afterwards, each one longed for their sideways-pain-expression to be deemed less abominable and more justified than the other’s. I say, “What difference does it make?” Sin is simply, independent-of-God behavior, and oh-so-often, the vain attempt to alleviate our pain is its fuel. It is my understanding and belief that it matters little what flavor we prefer or the means of expression we utilize. As for me, I am grateful that God built a bridge with mercy rather than a barricade with condemnation! I am grateful that when I have been at my very worst, my magnificent Papa, ran to me with his arms wide open and received me with compassion’s sweet embrace! I would like to remind myself and others that God’s invitation is in fact to join mercy and triumph over judgement. Perhaps, we really do need more love than anything else, even if it isn’t all we need! Who knows, maybe, I am simply a spiritual hippie after all!

Then sings my soul…

I haven’t been writing about life lately, I have simply been living it! Many things have been happening fast and furiously with precious little time for reflection and blogging. Life is like that sometimes. I much prefer the easy, gentle pace but alas and alack, we don’t always get to choose the speed at which we journey through this planetary experience. Now, I breathe deeply, inhale this moment in time and speak of things I have begun to see differently or perhaps only a little more clearly. So much of this world is about control or the illusion that we have any. So much despair happens when we begin to realize that we have none! So very much hope blossoms when we are persuaded that there is indeed a magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth on our behalf! This Father, who strengthens, not with brute strength, but with a glorious inner strength that plants our feet firmly on love so that we can take in the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s compassion and therefore trust! How much of life depends on our perception of reality rather than our particular circumstances. How quickly these perceptions can change and how very often they do! Fortunately, Papa remains the ever-present constant, pulling us back to that still-quiet center, forever reminding us that we are indeed his beloved, therefore, all is truly well with our souls. Sometimes, this must be enough to imbue us with the courage to take the next step, leap, crawl or simply stand sure. I love how God consistently reminds me that he can do anything, far more than I can imagine or guess or request in my wildest dreams. This understanding fosters the, “What’s next Papa?” in my heart and on my lips. It is this deepening belief that enables me to get up in the morning with the expectation of experiencing love even when God alone is the only good I can see on my present horizon.

Then sings my soul…
“How great thou art”…
My sweet Papa!
How very great thou art!
Your tender mercies embrace and cover my nakedness.
Your manna, your daily bread, your intimate fellowship,
Sustains and snuggles my weary flesh.
How I long for the experience of your love…
And in your arms I am more than satisfied!
Your compassion breathes life into my dry bones
And I dance…dance…dance…
To the rhythm of your heart-beat:
“I’m loved, I’m loved, I’m loved!”
Then, and only then, sings my soul…
How very great thou art!

Inspired by Ephesians 3